Tuesday, March 27, 2012

being twentysomething

Being in your twenties is all about discovering which things hurt you and what makes you feel good. You go in blindly, practically pricking yourself with a dull blade, and then you walk out with tougher skin. One day you’ll stop pricking yourself altogether. Maybe. I don’t know. How would I? I’m just a twentysomething, remember?

This is what your twenties are for — to feel and see as much as you can, to take advantage of not being tied down to anything and anyone and to go balls to the wall with everything that you do. You’re a raw nerve. You hate getting upset over little things, about being constantly unraveled by ignored text messages, parents, grades, and friends, but you have to remember something: you don’t know yourself entirely yet. Before the age of 20, you were mostly under your parents care, a reflection of what was going on around you. You didn’t have the option to make your own choices. You were merely living the life someone set out for you. Being in your twenties allows you to start carving out the life you want for yourself. Everything is on your terms now which seems daunting but is actually liberating. For the first time in your life you’re the boss.

It’s important to talk about why your twenties are great because it seems like we spend so much of our time wanting to be somewhere else other than where we are. Think about it. Why the hell are we in such a hurry to live some boring grown up adult life that we saw at a Crate & Barrel? Because once we do get there, we’re stuck for a long time. The novelty’s going to wear off, we’re going to get married and have babies, and everything will be amazing but don’t think for a second that you won’t be nostalgic for this time. Don’t think for a second that you’re not going to miss those nights you spent putting on your make up, changing five million times, drinking wine, smoking cigarettes out your apartment window, and going to some silly party, a party that feels like all the others you’ve been to but still has the right to feel special. You will miss all of this. This is a luxury. It’s going to leave us eventually so you better freaking enjoy it. You better enjoy every lame ass party, every awkward kiss, every 5 AM hangover, every drug experience, every crappy apartment, because one day it will all be gone and you’ll just be left with the pictures and the bruises and nothing else. Youth is fu**ing magic. Don’t you get it? Look at your skin! Touch it. Look at your smooth legs and stomach. Grab it. When you’re older, you’ll want all of this again so bad. You’ll possibly spend so much money to get some semblance of it back. Now it’s yours for free.

We’re not stuck. Even if it feels like we are, it’s not true. We’re the opposite of stuck. As twentysomethings, we’re constantly moving — apartments, relationship, cities, jobs. Anything is possible. People are ready for you. They want to hear what you have to say. They look at you and are curious about what words are going to come out of your mouth. You’re the new generation. What do you have to say? Don’t bite your tongue. One day you’ll be pushed aside for a younger “fresher” perspective so you better get it out now. Make a mark. Make a stain. Make something.

I want to remember the fear, I want to remember the promise, I want to remember the nights I wanted to curl up in a ball, I want to remember the people I’m not supposed to remember, I want to remember not knowing myself, I want to remember the moment I started to feel safe and like this life I’m leading is really mine. I’m going to be scared, I’m going to bruise my knees and not know how they got there, I’m going to try to fruitlessly forge a connection with someone who won’t ever get it, I’m going to lose the person that means the most to me and find my way back to them. I’m going to be a twentysomething because that’s what I am and all I know how to be. And you should too. You should love every single moment of this hot mess of a decade. Chances are you’ll miss it before you even get to say “I’m 30.”


- excerpt from Thought Catalog

Monday, March 19, 2012

things going just right.


You know when something happens and it just reassures you that all the decisions you have made up until this point have been the right ones?


Next semester (Fall), I only have three required Education classes to take, and each of them are 3 hour classes. Two of them are on Tuesday, and one is on Thursday (night). For laying it out purposes, that leaves Monday, Wednesday, and Friday off! Combined with two of those classes, I also have a teaching day at a local school (the one that I will be student teaching at full-time my senior spring semester) which is on Wednesday, so that's that. Also, normal semesters have five classes, so I would need to choose 2 more classes to fill up my schedule...
The thing is though, I do not want to take more electives. I love the opportunity to learn, and I've been taking some pretty interesting electives throughout my time at Camp Champ that have furthered me as a person and as an educator, but I just don't want to be in class for the sake of being in class at this point. I would rather further myself more passionately. Plus I think these classes would induce some serious senioritis, and I'm trying to avoid the inevitable like the plague. I want to be challenged, and I haven't felt the balance of being healthily challenged (academically) at Champlain in so long. Academics have been my strong point while other aspects of my life have been difficult, and I'm ready for more.
So..this great opportunity hit me. My boss is also the director of the Master's in Early Childhood at Champlain, and she suggested that I start Grad school as my electives during my senior year. Only one other person has been approved to do this, which is a huge honor.
Here comes the happiness!
These classes are online, so while they will be a lot of written work, I have Mondays AND Fridays off (as well as Thursday until 5:30PM), which also relieves the pressures of next years long distance relationship (something I don't even have room to dissect in this post, but believe me..I have).
Also, each class is only 8 weeks long, and do not occur at the same time, so I will be taking one and then the other during my 15 week semester (with an extra week online). So, while I will be challenged, I will not be overwhelmed with two grad courses at once. This will actually be less than having one elective on campus and one grad course at the same time! You've g
ot to be kidding me with this good news, right?
Also, as college is ridiculously expensive, they have agreed to make the exception for me to have these classes count as my regular tuition.... so no extra money! Then, right as I graduate, I will be "applying" for the Champlain Grad Program, bu
t I will actually have some classes done already.
So, for as frustrated as I get a
bout Champlain, and as much of a difficult time this year has been, things are headed in the right direction, and I truly believe I am better off now than I have been in a long, long time. I look forward to working my ass off senior year, and playing hard as well along the way.